feeding the poet :D/ "I Can Never"

[leedee]

this is a continuation to "Someday", a poem i posted two days ago, its from the other "person's" point of view. i'm really starting to get attatched to these two "characters" so who knows, i'll probably continue their plot this way (waaaayyy too lazy to write it into a fic and get actually characters involved, nahh, i'll stick to this method. How will these two's indivdual's lives turn out? hmmm....depends...XD 

I can never

 

I feel those familiar arms around me,

I rest my head on your shoulder,

You sweet, warm breath invades me,

My hair, my neck,

Why can’t it be this easy?

To just let you into my heart?

To just let myself be yours?

But…I can never,

I can never accept your kisses,

I can never accept your touch,

I can never say that I need you,

Even though I ache for you,

I can never let you—love me,

 

I fear what others would think,

Of our love, I know they will scorn,

And shame our adoration,

They’re all the same, no one would understand,

So why can’t you understand? That I can’t bear,

To love you because of that?

The hate that I will see, if I ever let you in,

Please, stop begging me for what cannot be!

You know I love you! Isn’t that enough?

Isn’t it enough for you just you to know?

That beautiful treasure of my love,

Will only belong to you?

 

Why can’t you hate me?

I tear your heart every time with my fears,

Yet, here you are—holding me,

Loving me, kissing me, making me yours…

Why can’t you hate me?

You know I can never—love you…

I can never get over this fear,

Of letting others know,

Of the passions between you and me,

 

Damn my fear—damn my love for you!

Why can’t I seize to call your name at night?

Why are you always at my side?

Leave me! Forget me! That’s what you need!

Please, my love—I can’t…I just can’t…

I can never look you in the eyes…

I can never reply, to your words of need,

I can never let go of my fears,

I can never let you into my heart,

I can never belong to you…

Yet….

I can never let you go….

 well, there you have it! *sighs* i don't know about you, but i'm really getting annoyed with this character, why can't he/she (yeah, he/she, i haven't decided on the genders and i probably won't...i leave that up to your likings :D) just forget why others will think and just ACCEPT HIS/HER LOVE!!!! *sighs* yeah yeah, i know, i'm the author and i can chose whether or not these two have a happy ending...or do I? XDDD 

why do i have a feeling that these two will end up breaking my tiny heart?

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

;___; this is just so heartbreaking! *sniffs* but i still loved it.
where can i find the first part of this?

[24snowyli-chan.livejournal.com]

oh o////o thank you, i'm glad you enjoyed it :)
the 1st part? just go to the tags--it will be the 2nd poem "Someday" of the post. hope this helps :)

[daydreamer64.livejournal.com]

LOLS. I agree with Li-chan. RANDOM CHARACTER GET A GRIP ON YOURSELF.

Also why does it remind me of Ash in my AshxGary fic? O.o;;

[24snowyli-chan.livejournal.com]

YOU!!! how do you manage to fangirl everything???? <.<;
but i'm not surprised anymore. is it possible to want to slap a character that i created? i mean, i'm the one that controls the plot, but somehow...its seems tobe slipping out of my hands. random character #1 from "someday" clings to the hope that chracter #2from "i can never" will put his/her fears aside and just accept the lovin'. *sighs* i just feel like screaming "YO! TRY MAKING YOURSELF A LITTLE LESS AVAILABLE & STOP SCREWING CHARACTER #2...MAYBE THEN #2 WILL COME CRAWLING TO YOU!"
*sighs* then there's chr.#2...i'm so glad this chracter isn;t a real person *shakes head* i've never seen such worse denial--AND THIS IS COMING FROM LI-CHAN! *lols*
so yeahs~s i gotta figure out names&genders for these ppl, getting tired of calling them RANDOM CHRACTER #1 *sighs* but...too busy trying to figure out how i can make Chr#2 more painfully in denial(while trying not to get screwed by Chr.#1 tee-hee) oh, my mind...the randomness XD

[daydreamer64.livejournal.com]

Um. lol what? XD You just confused me so much Li-chan.

MAKE THEM BOTH GUYS DAMMIT. 8D CALL ONE SUBARU AND THE OTHER SEISHIROU. OR HELL ONE COULD BE FUUMA AND THE OTHER KAMUI XDDDDDD Nah. Just kidding. You wouldn't name them that... Or would you? O.o;;

[24snowyli-chan.livejournal.com]

this is what's going on in my brain at this moment when i think of this plot! utter confusion--but somehow it all makes sense :D okay...*sighs* for you, i'll explain it like this, the "GUY" from the poem "I can never" is afraid that he will be ridiculed for being in love with the other "GUY" from the poem "Someday" so that's why he's all in denial, he just wants to stop loving this guy and stop feeling so guilty about lusting over someone that's "forbidden"...although he always manages to end up in the other "Guy's" bed XD ...hopefully you got it now and i haven't confused you even more, but if it has *sighs* sorry, but i guess it must make more sense in my brain :/

tee-hee :D when in my mind, they're guys XD but...i leave that up to the reader(i think i posted these on another comm. and i don't want to scare the "non-fangirl-ings" but between you and me ;D we both know better XD)

uhm...what makes you think i can ever do something like that? *inserts KAMUI for chracter #1* that would be weird <.<; *hides LIST OF NAMES: FUMMMA, SEISHIROU,SUBARAU...* do you think that my brain is that infected with CLAMP? dd-chan i'm offended *eyeroll/lols*

[daydreamer64.livejournal.com]

Um... I think I get it now. XD

YAYS! SLASH! x3 Of course we know better. Tee. Hee. I feel so superior now.

Hmmmm. I wonder why that idea popped in my head. Could it have been because I spy a Kamui-named MP3 player hopping about by it's Fuuma-named computer? XD I'm sorry to have offended you Li-chan. Of course your mind isn't that infected by CLAMP. x3

[24snowyli-chan.livejournal.com]

*sighs* don't worry, at times, even i get confused my what happens in my mind :D

you see?! now, how do you think that the "non-fangirls" would react when they would read these? as much as i would enjoy it, i don't want to tramatize the poor things :) but its so HAAARRDD not to include the words "he" and "Him" ugh! i hate it! but at least we both know that its some boyxboy lovin' that going on instead XD oh gosh, this is crazy :D
*gasps* says the girl who has usb-cabled bound her Zu-baru to her PSP!
*lols* no worries, no one's offened XD...and CLAMP infested mind? i think were beyond that point :D

[daydreamer64.livejournal.com]

x3 It's understandable.

XDDDD Scaring! Ooh! Sounds like fun! XDDDD You know you want to Li-chan! *pokes*

O.O Do you have to bring that up? -_-;; I still haven't found a way to separate them, tho they're doing a pretty good job of hurting each other. x3

CLAMP INFESTED? More like CLAMP OBSESSION =D

[24snowyli-chan.livejournal.com]

XDDDDD sorry i couldn't help it! really that convo should be shut away in the NEVER WILL IT SEE THE LIGHT OF DAY vault. *sighs* but still its funny...in a tramatizing sort of way.

"Mommy?"
"yes sweety?"
"can i kiss timmy?"
*gasp* "where did you get that idea!Jonny!"
"i read these poems...these 2 guys where doing stuff"
"oh no..."
"Mommy...I LIKED IT! I WANNA KISS BOYS TOO!!! IT SOUNDS SO FUN!!! I LIKE BOYS NOW!!!"
o.O...yeah, dd-chan unless you want a scenario like this to occur that a little boy got so twisted in the mind with our fangirl infested fanfic...yeah, you gotta think about these sort of things...NO MATTER HOW FUNNY THE SCARING MAY SOUND *LOLS* I KNOW, DD-CHAN, I NEVER LET YOU HAVE ANY FUN! (but scaring innocents is just so funny!:D)

is there another word that can suit CLAMP-i don't think obsession can fit it :/ there's just too much

[daydreamer64.livejournal.com]

YOU EVIL PERSON YOU. I have to send it Vee-san though. >.>'' And plus send her a couple of other things. Ladeedadeeda...

XDDDDDDDD BUT WE SHOULD SO MAKE THAT HAPPEN. THINK OF THE MANY FANGIRLS THERE WILL AFTERWARDS. XDDD

Hmmm. I'm not sure.